when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
even my farts smell like vagina
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
