I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
