I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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