i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
