he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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