Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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