At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize