so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
