Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
