apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
