And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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