I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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