What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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