Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize