sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
