I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
