i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
