I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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