She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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