you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
