omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
