It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
