Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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