It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
