I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
