you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
