Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
