At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
