brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
