A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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