Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
