I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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