there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
