i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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