I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize