I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
