just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
