Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
