Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
