There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm passing your future prison.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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