I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
