ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
