Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
