tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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