I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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