I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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