my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
