You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
