Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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