now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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