You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
