The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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