so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
