Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

I'd wear matching sweaters with you

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle

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(518): View more from New York

We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer

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(402): View more from Nebraska

She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.

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(661): View more from California

If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.

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(254): View more from Texas

If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.

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