I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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