You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Vodka?
Forever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
