He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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