Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
