she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
did i just pee glitter
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
