I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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