Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
