You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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