Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
