I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
