i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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