i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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