just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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