She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like death gave me a hand job
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
