Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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