I need help removing her.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
