Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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