You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
