ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize