I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
