Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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