um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
